Burning in my skin
by bellachristiana
Summary: Edward can only watch as the love of his life is shown off by a man he has deemed unworthy. This is a one-shot...maybe?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N This one shot, was inspired by a song called Burn by Ray Lamontagne. Which of course I don't own, I don't own Ray either (unfortunately) check out the song on youtube. I don't own Twilight either, though I once danced naked in the Twilight. **

Burning in my skin

I see you, but you don't see me, I've made sure of it. I'm standing against the wall, hidden in the darkness of the ball room. I watch you, but so does everyone else, and I can't blame them, you are, for lack of a better word, breathtaking, and I mean that in the most literal sense,because when you walked in here tonight, your head held high, your hair cascading in soft, chocolate, curls down your back, stopping just above your glorious behind, and that dress, soft pink, glistening with diamonds and pearls, you took the breath away from me. Before you entered, the band was playing, and people were talking about nothing and doing it loudly, but when you walked in, all of it stopped, people only spoke in whispers, if they spoke at all. The bands music softened to something more appropriate for such a spectacular spectacle. And, though your head was high and you looked the picture of confidence, you blushed at the attention. You always blush at the attention. No matter how high you hold your head, no matter the amount of confidence you try to exude, you will never be comfortable being the center of attention,but _he_ doesn't know that does _he_? Because _he_ loves being the center of attention. _He_ loves commanding the room, that's why _he_ fought so hard for you, because _he_ knew you would be the perfect accessory. Do you know that's how _he_ sees you, do you know that _he_ only won you because _he_ cheated? Of course you don't, because you are a good, trusting person, and you would never imagine that the man you love was capable of such callous and calculating always see the best in people. You saw the best in me, a feat not easily accomplished,but you did it. I let you in,and I let you wander around my head and my heart, I had you, you were mine. But, then _he_ cheated, _he_ didn't play by the rules, I thought we were playing as gentlemen, but _he_ saw I was winning, _he_ knew I had you, so _he_ cheated and _he_ brought to light all the things about me you were never meant to know, and when you saw me, really saw me for the first time, it shattered you, and it was _him_ that swept up the pieces, it was _him_ that bled on the shards as _he_ placed each piece of you back together. _He_ loves you, yes, but not in the way you deserve. _He_ loves the attention more. _He_ loves the jealousy and spite that is left in _his_ wake, after people see you with _him_. They know what I know, that _he_ doesn't deserve you. They won't say anything though, they fear _his_ retribution more than they fear you being hurt. They are just as selfish as _he_ is.

_He_ makes the rounds with you on _his_ arm. _He_ hardly looks at you,fucking idiot. How could _he_ keep his eyes off you? It's made worse by the fact that _he_ looks at all the other women, none of them hold a candle to you, but _he_ still looks, sometimes _his _eye's linger longer than they should and I want to to cave _his_ head in with my fist. There is a moment when _his_ eye's stay on a leggy blond, and you catch _him_,I smile because surely he's in for it now, but you dont say anything, you just look down at your feet and turn away,pretending you didn't just catch him betraying you with _his_ lustful eyes. It's not the first time is it, you've caught him before. Why do you let _him_ get away with it? I know the answer, it's because you are use to being hurt by the men who are suppose to love you. First your father, who abandoned and ignored you, then your step father, who put his hands on you and never suffered the consequences. Then the boy in high school, who said he loved you as he stole your innocence, and then me. I promised to love you always, and make up for all the men who hurt you in the past. I vowed to show you how love was supposed to feel, and you put your trust in me, you gave yourself to me, body and soul, and just like all the others I broke you. My betrayal was worse because I had earned your trust, I had given you a glimpse of happiness, I made you believe in it, and then in one brief moment of drunken stupidity I tore your already fragile world apart. Now, I'm just another man in your life that is responsible for making you think it's okay to let _him_ look at other women. It's my fault that you have lost the respect for yourself, and I'll I can do is stand here in the dark and watch, as _he_ becomes another man responsible for your crumbling heart and broken soul. Why did _he_ even bother putting you back together, if _he_ was just going to break you apart all over again?

You grab _his _arm and whisper something in _his_ ear. _He_ smiles and nods _his _head, you smile too, but it disappears the moment you walk away from _him_. My eyes track you as you make your way to the bar. You will order a whiskey sour, they won't make it right, but you wont say anything, because you don't like making a fuss,besides we both know you only like the way my dad makes them, and you aren't versed enough in mixed drinks to order something else. You would have a beer if you didn't feel it would make you look bad to this crowd. You shouldn't care what they think, but you do, you don't want to embarrass _him_.

I make my way towards the bar, but I keep to the shadows. I watch as the bartender sets down your drink and you take a tentative sip, I see it when you flinch at the taste. I smile, I know you so well. My smile fades when you down the drink, you only really ever drink when my dad makes you one, and then you sip it, savoring the taste. You don't drink to get drunk, you hate not feeling in control of yourself, plus alcoholism runs in your family. The way you down your drink, makes me fear you are giving in to your genes. I want to stop you when you order another, but I have no right, however, I won't stand by and let you get drunk and possibly embarrass yourself. I eye the crowd looking for Seth, you always liked him, even after I hurt you, you let him stay in touch. I see him scanning the crowd, that's why I pay him so well, he's always watching, always on guard, he finally sees me and he nods, his way of silently asking if I need him. I nod back at him and then tilt my head to the side and point it towards the bar, he looks in the direction I'm nodding and see's what I see. He nods to me again asking without words, how many you've had. I raise two fingers, he nods once more and makes his way to you in a hurry. When he reaches you, he puts his hand on your back and you jump slightly, but looking up you smile seeing who it is. The two of you talk for a moment, and before you can order another drink, Seth propositions you to dance. You accept, it's the happiest I'vé seen you since you walked in.

You two only get a few minutes on the dance floor before _he _see's you, and how happy you are without him. _He _walks away from the leggy blond _he's_ been chatting up and she has the audacity to look offended. _He_ cuts in, rudley, but Seth doesn't put up a fight because he knows, that even though you don't see him that way, in _his _eyes, he's just the help, and the help shouldn't be on the dance floor,engaging with the elite. Your smile falters, you were so happy for a moment, but _he_ knew that and that's why _he_ interrupted. _He_ was jealous. I might have been too, if I didn't know Seth was happily married to his partner of six years, Peter.

Now the two of you are dancing and everyone has gathered around to watch, and they should, because it's beautiful. Nothing compared to the way we use to dance, but still it's mesmerizing. Well, you are mesmerizing. You are flawless on the dance floor, your feet never falter. You have always been a bit klutzy, but it never transferred to the dance floor. The only way the moment could be more beautiful is if _he_ was looking at you, the way you are looking at _him_. But because _he_ would rather look at the crowd that gathers, than look at you, _he's_ not as insync as _he_ could be.

Without realizing it, my feet have taken me closer to the dance floor and into the light. I can't help it, my body is drawn to you. If you were to look away from _him_ there's a good chance you would see me. I'm scared of what will happen if you do, I'm scared of what will happen if you dont. Just like that you look away from _him_, and your eyes land on mine, as though you knew exactly where I was, as though you felt my eyes on you. Your eyes widen only for a moment and you look away quickly. You reach up with your hand and bring _his_ attention to you, and then you kiss _him_. _He_ pulls away quickly, like _he_ should be embarrassed to be kissing you,fucking idiot. Doesn't _he_ know every man in here would give their left leg to be in the middle of the dance floor kissing you. You know I'm watching, so you reach for _him_ again and pull _him_ into a searing kiss, you don't let _him_ pull away this time, but I don't think _he_ wants to because _he_ deepens the kiss and I know what you are you doing, you're kissing _him_ just to prove to me that you can.

I stand there, at the edge of the dance floor, and I watch you kiss _him_, and I shake with rage. You pull back and brake the kiss. You blush, and _he_ looks stunned but satisfied, like _he_ just sealed the deal and now everyone knows for sure, that you belong to _him_. You leave the dance floor hand in hand. I make like to follow, to do what exactly, I have no idea, but I'm distracted when I see my family walk in. Of course, just in time to see your romantic display on the dance floor. I try to move back into the shadows before they spot me, but I'm not fast enough, the pixi sees me. She whispers to the family and they look in my direction but none of them make a move. They look at me, disappointment on all of their faces. I hurt them too, when I betrayed you. They lost a daughter that day. You haven't spoken to them since. It's in this moment I realize how much I stole from you, not only did I break your heart, but I took away the only family you ever knew, I took away the mother you always wanted, I took away the man that showed you how a real father was supposed to treat you. I took away the brothers and sisters you never knew needed.

I stay in the shadows the rest of the night, and I watch the uncomfortable game you play, while trying to avoid my play it too. They dont want you hurting anymore than I do. So they avoid you. I see when the game is about to come to an end, you're talking to a portly man and I can tell by your body language that you're about to excuse yourself and I know that if you turn around in approximately five seconds you will run straight into Carlisle. He doesn't see you because he has his head down, trying to avoid a man he doesn't want to talk to.

One, two, three, four, five…and there it is. You turn just as Carlisle is passing and you hit him with such force that he has to grab ahold of you to keep you from falling. I stand up, as if I could some how change the situation by doing so. I just stand there. You're looking at eachother and I see the tears well in your eyes, I watch my father debating whether to let you go or hold you close and let you cry on his shoulder. He lets you go, I can see in your face that you feel the loss immediately. My father apologizes and turns to walk away, he doesn't get far, you reach out for him and he's stunned when he turns around and you launch yourself into his arms. He holds you tight as he walks you too a more secluded part of the ballroom. He doesn't want people intruding on such an intimate moment. He finds a dark corner and holds you and you cry, and I can only stand here and burn in my skin.

My family notices what's going on, and I can see that they don't know if they should try and get a hug in too, or, if they should just let the two of you have your moment. They leave you alone. As they should. I Imagine you felt my father's loss the most, you took to him so quickly, I remember being jealous, but my mother reprimanded me, saying that you suffered enough in your life, you deserved a good and decent father figure. She told me to share you, I did, reluctantly. He took to you just as quickly, you shared his love of books,and british t.v shows. I asked Alice once, if she was jealous, but she said there was nothing to be jealous about. She loved you like a sister and had no problem sharing our father with you. I felt pety after that.

You finally release your hold on Carlisle and he wipes away your tears, offering you his handkerchief. You accept. It's a very fatherly thing to do, and I know that's what you're thinking. You talk for a few more minutes and then, after one more hug, you say goodbye. My father watches you as you walk away, a small smile on his lips.

When you reach _him_, you notice that _he's_ had a few too many drinks, _he's_ being handsy with you, and despite your earlier p.d.a on the dance floor you don't like being groped in public. _He's_ running _his_ hands down your back and when _he_ reaches your ass _he_ squeezes, causing you to yelp. Your face is red, _he's_ embarrassing you and himself. I want to go over there and rip _his_ hands off you. You get your coats and you are all but pushing _him_ out the door. I think that maybe, finally, _he's_ going to get an ear full, and I'm sure you're just about to scream at _him_, but _he_ grabs you and whispers in your ear, and Goddamn it, you smile. Not just any smile, but the smile you give when there is a promise of pleasures to come. You leave with _him_, _his_ hands still on your ass, but you're smiling. And I just stand here and burn in my skin.

**I'd love to hear your thoughts. Thanks for reading.**


	2. Chapter 2

_Okay, well, you guys wanted more, so here it is. Please be warned, Edward's thoughts are about to get very explicit.I'd love to hear from you all. _

You're gone. You left with him. I could only stand and watch you go. You were smiling and God how I miss your smile, but really if I'm being honest I miss the way you smiled at me, you have a special smile that belongs only to me. I have never seen you give it to anyone else,not even him. Do you even realize that?

After you leave, I briefly contemplate sitting at the bar and getting drunk, but my family is still here and I think I've embarrassed them enough. So, I make my way to the coat check and decide to get drunk at home. The woman at the coat check get's flustered when she sees me walking up, she hit on me earlier, I didn't return her flirtatious banter and now she's panicked. I wish she would just calm down and get my fucking coat. She drops my coat twice before I finally get it in my hands, her face is flushed and she's developed a stutter, what an idiot.

I slide into my car and a take a deep breath. My hands are shaking, I need to calm down before I drive. Flashes of you and him intrude my thoughts, I try to shake them from my head, I need my mind clear so I can drive safely. I turn on the radio. Doesn't work, all the songs remind me of you, you love music. You sing with every song, not very well, but I never minded, your passion overrides your inability to carry a tune. It's endearing. I smile, that's better, easier to drive when I force myself to think about happier times.

I pull up to my apartment 20 minutes later. It doesn't usually take me that long,but my mind was on a delay, so I drove slower. My apartment is cold and I feel like, it too, judges me. It never welcomes me the way it use too, when you were a part of my life. It use to feel warm and always smelled like you. I might be crazy but I think my apartment misses you. I grab a bottle of Irish whiskey from the bar and make my way to our...my bedroom. The bed misses you, I know that much. It's not comfortable anymore. I strip down and sit on the floor, my back against the bed. It's cold too. Cold apartment, cold bed, cold life, cold heart. absent your warm soul, has made me cold, and apparently very melodramatic.

I sit for hours, the bottle of whiskey is untouched. I play our time together over and over in my head. I try to stay clear of anything sexual, that's a can of worms that even my subconscious is unwilling to open. I try to remember the annoying things about you, but quickly realize either you have no annoying habits or worse we weren't together long enough for me to point them out. God, that's not true is it? How long was it? Almost a year, I think. Just long enough for us to fall in love, just long enough for it to really hurt.

My phone rings, the only reason I glance at it, is because I hold an irrational hope that it might be you. I don't recognize the number, I pick it up, just in case.

¨Hello¨

There's nothing at first,then I hear it. Moaning. More specifically, your moaning. I'm angry and hard at the same time. I yell but you can't hear me over the sounds of your moaning and his grunting. He sounds like a pig when he fuck's you. Grunting and wheezing, he's more out of shape than I realized. I should hang up, but I can't. I haven't heard you in the throes of passion in months. I listen more intently. I know you didn't call me, it's not your number, so he must have done it. Even though he has you, he still feels the need to prove something to me. You have no idea do you? You would never take part in this kind of debauchery. He's really getting into it, your moans are still soft. I smile. He called me to make a point. He doesn't realize his mistake. I know everything about you, I know all the sounds you make and the meaning behind them. I smile wider, because, I know you're faking it. You never faked it with me, that's a fact. I can always feel you clench around me, you always scream out my name and your entire body quakes. I know you're faking because you once discussed it with my sister, a few days before we consummated our relationship, and she taught you how to fake it. You worried, you wouldn't orgasm the first time and you didn't want me to feel bad. You were a virgin after all.

After we made love the first time, you were completely spent and out of breath, out of nowhere you started to giggle. I would have been offended but I was too confident. You finally spilled and told me about the discussion you had with my sister. I made you reenact the fake orgasm. It was terrible. It sounded fake and strained and all wrong. It sounded like how you sound right now, while he's fucking you.

I'm still listening, what can I say I'm a masochist when it comes to you. You're making obnoxiously fake sounds, and he has no idea, your spurring him on, ah, but you know that. You're trying to get him to finish. He finally does. I hear you pretending to pant, like he actually wore you out. Now there is just shuffling of blankets, I stay on the line because I'm hoping I'll get to hear your voice. Instead I hear his,

¨Fuck babe I don't know why you made me wait so long, that was incredible right? Now that you've had a taste though, I imagine you'll be insatiable.¨

Fucking piece of mother fucking, cock sucking asshole. I'm enraged. He shouldn't talk to you like that. He should bow down to you, he should thank you for letting him put his nasty cock in your glorious cunt.

I realize you don't answer him. You must have just smiled and nodded, that's something you do when you don't want to say something hurtful.  
I hear some sloppy kisses, and wait for him to pick up the phone. I wonder if he will have the balls to say something or if he'll just hang up. A door closes and I wait. He must have forgotten about me. I listen. I hear you breathing. My breathing adapts to your rhythm and now we're in sync. Until, your breathing speeds up, the air is going in normally but coming out harsh. I know that sound. You're getting ready to cry. You break, and you cry. I break too, and for the first time since you walked away from me, I cry, not as hard as you, not as loud, but the tears are there, streaming down my face. Why are you so sad? Stupid question. Why, in this precise moment, are you so sad? I listen to you cry and I wrap my arms around my self. I don't how much longer I can listen to you cry, I'm going crazy. Just when I feel my resolve breaking you whisper something to yourself, but I catch it. I wish I hadn't.

¨Edward, Oh Edward, It hurts so heart, Edward, it aches for you, why, why, why.. make it stop, please God make the pain stop.¨

My resolve has shattered, just like my heart. I crush the phone in my hand, the glass breaks and my skin bleeds. I get to my feet, I stumble, even though the whiskey bottle is still unopened. I feel drunk. I pick up the bottle and throw it at the wall. I can't cry anymore, but my emotions are boiling over and I have to do something. I pull at my hair, I stumble some more. I need something. Pain, I need physical pain. I punch the wall, hard, four times. I scream, not because it hurts, but because you hurt and I can't fix it. I scream again and fall to my knees. I bang my head against the wall. I'm sure the cops are on the way. I think I black out.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N Your reviews have been amazing, thank you so much. Okay so this one is a doozy. Mature content warning for this chapter. Enjoy.

The pain in my head wakes me up. I'm in my bed. I groan as I force myself to sit up. I guess the police didn't come but, how did I end up in my bed?

¨Take it easy¨

My eyes are blurry, but, I would recognize that voice anywhere,dad. He's sitting in a chair by the window. My eyes focus on him and I can see he's tired. He has dark circles under his eyes and his clothes are disheveled. I don't know why he's here, but I know he's been here for awhile.

¨Dad, what are you doing here?¨ God my throat feels like I swallowed gravel.

He rubs his eyes. I notice, for the first time, he looks his age. I feel guilty. He has always been so full of life. That was the first thing you noticed when you first met him. You said he was so handsome, you asked if I was sure he was my father and not my younger brother. I scowled at you and you laughed. You always laughed when I would get jealous. You thought it so ridiculous, that I should be. You never notice the way men look at you. You told me once, we did not match, you said they looked because they didn't get how a man like me was with a simple woman like you. You foolish girl. I tried to argue, but you put your hand up to stop me. I shouldn't of let that stop me. I should've argued with you. I should've yelled at you, I should've stopped one of the men and made them tell you, what it was that made him look at you that way. Would you have believed me then? Will you ever realize the magical qualities of your beautiful existence?

¨Your neighbor called me when she heard you….screaming. I made it here before the police. I told them you were drunk. They left without much of a fuss. I came in and you were unconscious on the floor. You'll be okay, just take it easy for a day or two.¨ He gets out of the chair and makes to leave. I don't want him to go, suddenly I'm five years old again, I''m sad and I just want my dad to make it all okay, like he has always done.

¨Dad,please,please, I don't know what to do, please, stay. I need you dad. Please, tell me how to fix this.¨ Tears fall. What a pussy I've become.

Dad has the decency to not look shocked by my unmanly display. He sits on the edge of the bed and puts his hand on my leg. He has tears too. You've made pussy's out of the Cullen men, but that's okay.

¨I'm sorry youŕe hurting son. We all are. She leaves a hole when she's not around. I hadn't even realized there was a hole until you brought her into our lives and she filled it so perfectly. It's feels like all of us are in mourning.¨

He hit the nail on the head. That's precisely what it feels like. One moment we were happy and perfect, and the next, we were empty.

¨We had a life before she came along, a happy one. She just brought more to it. So sweet and kind, smart, funny, she was a bright spot in our lives. It's hard to go day to day and not have that anymore. We miss her. She was...is.. family. I don't want you to ever feel like we choose her over you. You are my son and I love you. We all love you Edward. We just needed time to remember how to go back to living our lives, before she was such a big part of it. We will get there,eventually. I can't help you fix this son, I wish I could, God, I wish that so much. I can't even begin to understand how you could have...even..I don't...she's perfect Edward. She's the perfect woman. How you even entertained the idea of someone else, let alone, never mind, it doesn't matter, what's done is done.¨ He wipes away the tears. He went from looking tired, to angry. I Know he wants to yell at me, to call me names, names that I deserve to be called, but he's too good a person to do that. He's too good of a father.

I don't know what to say to him. He doesn't want or need the details of that night. I'm sorry doesn't feel like enough. I don't think this is the first time I've done something to disappoint my father, but it might be the first time that I've done something to make him disappointed in my character. I failed him, you, and my entire family. I don't know what to say, so I say nothing.

Once again he stands to leave. I wont stop him this time. He needs space from his disappointment of a son. What will come of my family, will we ever get back to a normalcy? Will they ever let me back into their lives, their hearts? I realize now, I can't lose you and them. I will not survive on my own. Before he goes I want to ask him just one thing. Do I let you go, or do I keep fighting for you? I can't bring myself to ask.

Before he walks out he turns around once more.

¨Come to dinner on Sunday evening. We can't lose both of you. Enough is enough.¨ I think he's done but he surprises me with one last thing. ¨Keep fighting Edward. Bring her back to us.¨ He leaves me with that.

I don't think I can. I don't think you will let me fight for you. I think, eventually, you will beg me to stop, and I will. Because I have vowed to never hurt you again. So, I will fight until you tell me to stop.

I get out of bed. I don't even know what time it is. Where is my phone? Oh, yes, it's all coming back to me now. I crushed it in my hand, when I heard you crying after _he _fucked you. I walk to the kitchen, dad has left me some pain meds. I take one. It burns going down. I like the pain. I need to formulate a plan to talk to you. You wont answer my calls. I can't show up at your job, that would embarrass you. What do I do? The pain pill kicks in so I decide to sleep it off and think more tomorrow.

There is an incessant banging on my door, it jolts me awake. I reach for my phone, fuck. I throw off the blankets and stomp to the front door, not without letting whoever it is, know I'm pissed.

¨What the fuck?¨ I swing open the door. My heart stops. I don't breath. You are standing on the other side. You have cried. You look startled. You look tired. You look beautiful. I have forgotten how to speak. I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. You start crying. It breaks my inability to speak.

¨Jesus, Bella.¨ I grab you before you can change your mind, and bring you in the apartment. I don't let go of you while I shut the door. I don't know why you're here. I don't care you're fucking here. Before I can ask, you fly into my arms. You hold tight, like you're afraid Ill disappear. I'm not going anywhere. I just hold you and you cry. Sweet mother of God, I have missed holding you. I take a risk and bring my nose to your hair. Strawberry, but something else..._him. _You didnt shower after he fucked you. I hold back my growl. You finally speak.

¨I let him fuck me Edward.¨ That's not what I was expecting. You hardly ever cuss, but when you do, I'm usually inside of you. I don't know where this conversation is going, but I'm scared.

¨I let him fuck me, and now I smell like him, and it's all wrong. It's wrong,because he doesn't smell like you. It was horrible. It didn't feel right. He didn't feel right. He doesn't know how to touch me, he doesn't know how to make me feel good. The noises were all wrong.¨ You pull away from me. You're angry. You slap me. I let you.

¨You've ruined me for any other man. Are you happy? I will never be able to love, or sleep with another man. He will never be you. I can't pretend any more. It's over between him and me.¨ I am happy, and I feel bad because of it. You look so broken now. You look me in the eye, and I'm terrified, because I have never seen this look from you. I thought I knew you so well. What is this look, what are you about to say? It won't be good, I can feel it.

¨I'm leaving Edward.I mean to say, I'm leaving this God forsaken state.¨

¨No!" I scream it, I don't mean to, it just came out.

¨There is nothing left for me here. I can't be this close to you, it's too hard for me. I'm here to ask you, to stay out of my life Edward. Don't call me, don't email me. Just let me heal.¨ So that's it. I don't even get the chance to fight for you, you have headed me off at the pass. You know me well.

¨I've decided something though. I'm not giving up your family. They've become my family too and I need them. So I will keep in touch with them. Not you though, you stay away from me. Don't ask them about me, and I promise to do the same.¨ So my family gets you. I want to yell that that's not fair, but it is. I will give you this, because I can give you nothing else. I finally decide to say something.

¨I understand. Thank you Bella, for not walking away from them. They love you. They deserve a place in your life and you there's.¨ I have nothing else to say. You step closer to me, so close I feel you breath on my chin. What's happening?

¨When you fucked her Edward, did you think of me, the way I thought of you tonight, when he was fucking me.?¨ It's a loaded question, one I don't want to answer, but you deserve to know. This is the first time we have talked about that night.

"I didn't think of anything. I don't even remember it happening. Just blurry images. I'm sorry.¨ You slap me again, deservedly so. You look defeated, and I'm sorry it's my fault.

¨I dont want you to be sorry Edward, I want you to have never slept with another woman. I want you to have never hurt me. I want to still believe in the fairytale of you and me. I wish I could just get over it, I wish I loved you so much that it didn't matter but it's because I love you so much, that it matters. I wanted you to hurt, I thought of ways to do it, but I didn't want to lower myself to that level.¨

For the first time since I messed everything up, I get angry with you. ¨You fucked _him, _You fucked _him, _and I promise you that hurts.¨ I didn't mean to say that, you don't deserve that. You are allowed to sleep with whomever you want. But, I said it and I can't take it back. I can see that I haven't angered you. If it's possible you just look sadder. you're a good person, too good, and even though I fucked another woman, you don't like that you have hurt me.

¨Edward, before I leave here and never see you again, I want….I need.. just one thing from you.¨ I would cut off my balls and put them in a jar if that's what you wanted.

¨Anything Bella, it's yours.¨ I'm not sure what I was expecting but it's not, the next thing that comes out of your mouth.

¨I need you to fuck me Edward. .Time. Make me forget everything that has happen, just like you use to. Fuck me Edward, make me forget. Make me feel like I'm yours, one more time. Please.¨

You don't have to beg me. I will fuck you. I'll give you my body. I will make you don't know it, but you are giving me the chance to fight for you,with my hands, my fingers, my mouth,my cock. This is my one chance. I will fuck you into forgiveness.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N Your reviews have been great, thanks so much. Most of you are disgusted with Edward,and some don't believe he willing slept with someone else. We don't like cheating Edward do we? Let's see where Edward takes us. Very mature content coming up (pun intended) ;-) **

_Previously….._

_I will fuck her into forgiveness_

I don't waste a moment, I don't want you second guessing yourself. I should ask if your sure, but, I dont want to be a gentleman right now, and I dont think thats what you want either. I strip off your coat and you gasp. I push you against the wall and trap your body with mine. Your breathing is heavy, yes, you want this and I am all too willing to give it to you. Here we go.

I start by dragging my nose along your jawline. I inhale you. I inhale him. I let out the growl that I held back earlier. ¨You reek of that animal" I spit out. You don't want me to be gentle right now, thats not what this is about. This is about you getting from me what that pig could not give you. You whimper.

¨I could shower, if you want¨ You say, your voice shaking. I bring my lips to your ear. ¨No,it's better this way. Smelling him on you will only make this better. I will fuck you, until only my scent lingers on your skin.¨ You moan. Yes, I know, that's exactly why you are here, to get rid of the memories of him.

I run my tongue over your throat, it leaves a hot trail of my spit, your skin pebbles. I move to the other side of your neck and do the same. My scent is already overpowering his.

I back away and you start to protest. I put my finger over swollen lips to quiet you. I grab at the collar of your shirt and pull until it tares in half. You aren't wearing a bra, I groan. Your breathing is so fast it's making your breasts heave up and down. They are memorizing. I'm losing my patients, my need for you is overwhelming. I rip away your pants and panites, in one swift motion.

I trap you against the wall once again, and in one fluid movement I have your legs around me and I impale you with my length. You scream out and so do I. This, oh, this is my happy place,this is my home, I would stay inside you forever, if it were humanly possible.

I can't think like that now, I need to do the job you came here for. ¨This wont be gentle¨ I say in which your only reply is ¨good.¨

I pull almost all the way out and thrust back in, hard. Your head bangs against the wall. You like it. I thrust harder, deeper. Over and over and over again. In. Out. In. Out. You are soaking wet. I feel it run down my thighs. It spurs me on. You will have bruises tomorrow. Your nails claw my back, I can feel as they draw blood. Iĺl have bruises too. Good.

We never make eye contact, I try but you wont look at me. My legs are burning,but I wont stop until you come so many times, you won't be able to walk out of here. I can see that you are trying to hold back your moans, and your dirty mouth. Maybe you think you're punishing me by doing so, but really you're just punishing yourself. It doesn't feel the same for you, if you can't express it. I grab you face and make you look at me. I never stop thrusting though.

¨You wanted this Bella, don't think about it, just feel, use your words Bella I know you want to. I Know how good it feels, the evidence is dripping down my legs. Scream for me Bella.¨ Your walls are tightening and I see you fighting. I see you give in to your carnal needs.

¨FUCK, FUCK, YES!, FUCK ME , Yes, Make me come.¨ I smile and your walls shatter around my cock. Your entire body is shaking, but I'm not done with you. You try to release from me but I hold tight. ¨We are not done. You wanted me to make you forget. One orgasim will not change anything. I will give you many this night.¨ You cling to me. I never take myself out of you. I will stay buried here until you tell me to get out.

I make to lead us to the bedroom, but you stop me. ¨No, not the bedroom, anywhere but there.¨ I understand. That is a place for making love, you don't want love you want fucking. I oblige. Instead I take you to the couch, but I don't lay you down. I release you only long enough to bend you over the arm of the couch, and I enter you from behind. ¨Yes¨ you whisper. I know. You have always loved this position. I put my right hand on your shoulder and dig my fingers in. Another moan. I thrust in and out a few times, but I'm having a hard time not exploding inside of you. I reach under you and rub your clit, firmly but not hard. You hiss and once again come undone.

I contemplate taking you again in this position, but it's too much for me. I begrudgingly pull out, you are limp but not enough, you can still walk. I walk you over to window that looks over the city, I sit you down on the window seat. You dont say anything, you are just along for the ride. I break my own rule of wanting to stay buried in you, but only because this is not about me. I push you softly, so your back is against the window. I get on my knees and spread you open. You are moaning before I have even begun to taste you. You are moaning in anticipation. Yes, sweet girl. All your favorites tonight. Your dripping wet and gleaming. I begen by licking up the leftovers of your orgasims. I move to your slit, I smle. I run my tongue between the folds and you shiver. I move to your clit, ah yes it won't be long now. I suck and you come for the third time.

You are almost spent, but I think you can handle one more. I walk us back over to the couch. I sit down and put you so you're straddling my lap. I help you slide onto me. Whenever we had a spat, we always made up this way. With you taking control and putting me in my place. I'm being a little manipulative, i know that, but I need you to know how sorry I am. I need you to feel it. I want you to ride me and remember the times you were able to forgive me. In your sex haze I don't think you notice the position, but as you begin to move up and down my shaft, I see the vale lifting and your eyes get big. You stop moving. You try to get up, but I hold you there.

¨No, Edward. Not like this. I haven't forgiven you, I can't.¨ I hold you tight, and take your nipple in my mouth. You sigh. ¨Edward, no¨ I let go of the pink pebble, and look you in the eyes. ¨Are you sure Bella?¨ I ask as I thrust gently and move you just a bit, so you can feel my length, still hot and hard inside of you. You whimper. ¨If you're sure Bella¨ I grab your hips and began pulling you off me, but you clench around me and slam back down. I grunt, and you moan.

You're still conflicted. So I tell you what you need to hear. ¨Take it Bella, take what you need from me, punish me if you need, make it hurt. Use me Bella. Use my body Bella, it's yours.¨ You're a good person, and even angry, you would never take from me, what I did not willing give you. You begin to move, sliding up and down. You have a good rhythm going, and you start to talk.

¨You hurt me Edward, You broke my heart.¨ You slam down on me and I almost lose my very shaky control and come. Now I'm breathing heavy and I'm scared of what you're saying. ¨I loved you so much¨ Loved me? As in you don't anymore? You dig your nails into my shoulders, not to hurt me, but because you are about to come again. You speed up and you shockk us both by screaming my name. As soon as I hear it, I lose my control and fill you. I let out a guttural sound, somewhere between a grunt and a growl.

We are both soaking wet, and trying to catch our breath. You haven't moved off me. You are looking at me, and I almost whimper, you aren't looking, your scowling. I open my mouth to say something but you shut it, by slapping me. I thought this is what you wanted, why are you angry? You jump off me, you look so angry, and sad and yes, guilty.

¨Bella, dont, dont second guess this, this is what you wanted. It's okay.¨ But it's not okay. Nothing has changed, youŕe still going to leave me arent you? I didn't get you to forgive me, if anything, you're even madder at me. Youre crying again. Oh God, what have I done?

¨I shouldnt of come here, I'm such an idiot. Oh God I'm a whore!¨ No dont do that, don't punish yourself. I try to reach for you, but you back away. You put your hands up, and, when you do you, you realize you're still naked, and so am I. You turn away and run to the bedroom. I hear the lock turn, and a minute later the show comes on. Your washing away the evidence of me. Of us. I grab my shorts off the floor and put them on.

Twenty minutes later you emerge from the bedroom. Your hair is wet, but you have found some clothes you left behind after you moved out. You wont look at me. I say your name over and over again but you wont look at me. You get your jacket and turn for the door.

¨Isabella!¨ I scream, you stop, but you don't turn around.

¨I'm sorry I hit you Edward.¨ That's all you say, and you're gone. Out of my life once again. I dont even try and stop you this time. I know, my heart know's, I will never see you again. I calmly walk over and shut the door. I slide down to the floor and for the second time, for the last time, I cry over you.


End file.
